


Illusions That Keep Us Together

by laubergine



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, Pain, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Season/Series 04 Spoilers, Stars, This Was A Dream I Had, but i wrote it all down, eren jaeger talks to the stars, sort of happy at least idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:34:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29805732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laubergine/pseuds/laubergine
Summary: Most nights, the isolated man could be found talking to the stars just hoping to be reunited with the one person that he missed most.
Relationships: Eren Yeager & Reader, Eren Yeager/Reader
Comments: 9
Kudos: 41





	Illusions That Keep Us Together

Tranquil. Pacific. Serene. Placid. 

For the first time in years, you were at ease. Your head rested on Eren’s chest as you listened to the steady pace of his heartbeat, your head bobbing at the rise and fall of his chest with each breath. Eren’s body lay flat on the sienna blanket set on the ground, while you laid perpendicular to him. You drew your legs up, bending your knees and occasionally pointing up at a passing cloud.

Your simple white sundress was fanned out under you, illuminating your body in a saint-like aura. Your brown sandals were discarded next to your waist, and so you played with your toes in the lush surrounding grass.

Eren was adorned with the same beige shirt with tassels at the collar that he had seemingly worn for years. His earthly trousers were mysteriously missing the infamous mustard stain that you always nagged at him to clean, but at least the pants were clean.

You played with your fingers absentmindedly, rubbing circles on the back of your hand. Eren’s head was being supported by his interlaced hands behind him, before shifting to slightly hold himself to look at you while you spoke happily.

“That cloud kind of looks like you! Don’t you think?” You laughed, pointing at an oddly shaped white cloud in the sky. 

It was a beautiful day, though you couldn’t remember where you were. You were in a large meadow clearing, that much you could tell. The meadow was large, seemingly going on forever until it met a thick forest. It was filled with flowers, more colours than you had ever seen before-- violet, soft yellow, various shades of pink, and white. Somewhere, though you couldn’t see by turning your head, a stream was bubbling a symphony. The sun was shining brightly, the breeze picked up between the flowers in the meadow making them dance around the two of you.

“Maybe it’d look like me if I was short, skinny, and old,” Eren laughed. 

There was something about hearing his laughter that made you want to play it on a loop forever. You knew he had a harder past than most, and he’d feel more down than usual, so it was refreshing to hear him enjoy activities like that once in a while. 

It was the simple moments the two of you spent together that you cherished the most. Whether it was just taking a walk, cleaning equipment, or just laying next to each other, it was always perfect when you were with Eren. 

“How did we get here? Is it outside the walls?” You exhaled, while abruptly sitting up to look around. The meadow was nowhere you’d been before, though it felt oddly familiar. Eren moved one of his hands from behind his head, to hold yours. His thumb softly rubbed the back of your hand as he hesitated before answering you.

“Yeah, we’re in ‘paradise’ now,” he smiled at you, although you didn’t understand. Your paradise was with Eren, that part made sense, but a meadow you’d never been to before? You had no guesses as to why you were there of all places.

“It’s pretty,” you exhaled before laying your head back down on Eren’s stomach softly. His hand went back to its place playing with a strand of your hair.

“I wish it was like this back home,” Eren thought aloud. You weren’t quite sure what he meant, however, since you did have meadows like this back home. “Peaceful,” he finished the thought.

“Eren?” 

He only hummed in response, directing his attention back to you.

“Tell me a story,” you turned your head slowly to face Eren.

“About what?” Eren turned to look at you with questioning eyes, not knowing where to begin. He held your head in place as he sat up, before moving his hand behind him to sit up and lean back.

“Anything” you spoke softly, “everything,” you added as an afterthought with a small smile. 

It was evident that Eren was thinking about what to tell you. He knew what situation you were in, one that was still unknown to you. He could share with you his late-night adventures from when he was with the cadets or childhood stories with Mikasa and Armin. He could tell you about the rest of the world that had yet to have been explored-- the salty seas, the high mountains, anything, and everything else that resided in the unknown. He could tell you about the first time he knew that you’d be his forever.

“I can tell you about my family,” he hummed, and you turned to look at him. You only knew about how his mother was taken from Eren at an early age. “It may not be a happy memory,” he turned to look at the glowing midday horizon, “but it’s the best one I’ve got.”

You looked at him, giving a slight nod to show him you were attentive and to urge him to continue. 

You and Eren never talked much about your pasts. Of course, you knew about what had happened in Shiganshina, but other than that, you didn’t know a lot. Your past wasn’t all sunshine and daisies, but now-- quite literally, in that meadow-- you were surrounded by the warmth of the sunshine and the sweet scent of the flowers around you and it was your paradise.

“Well, my dad, uhm, I used to look up to him, when I was younger. He was the town’s doctor and he always supported me about the Survey Corps,” Eren smiled lightly to himself. “He killed people,” Eren deadpanned with a flat face, “but I have too. Like father, like son, right?” He chuckled dryly, while you didn’t know what to say.

“My mom,” he paused, “I loved her, and I still do and I missed her. She always was overprotective though, whenever the Survey Corps was mentioned. I guess I can’t really blame her.” Eren continued talking about his mom, while you stayed looking up at him, resting your head on your forearm. 

“There was this one time-- I can sort of remember it-- before Mikasa came, when it was just us three and I was a lot younger, my mom would take me to a tree in the middle of a field-- yeah and it was kind of like this one-- and she’d read stories to me,” you listened intently as Eren recalled the fond memory with one of his rare toothy smiles. 

“I wish I could’ve met your mother,” you told him honestly. You weren’t sure if it was going to be a touchy subject but maybe ‘honesty is the best policy’ still applied. Eren turned back to you, looking down at you in a surprised manner, before softening his features.

“I think she would’ve liked you. I wish you could’ve met her too, but,” he stopped himself, scrunching his right hand into a fist on the floor. His face turned into a grimace as he spoke with gritted teeth, “it’s not possible. One day-- I promise-- I’ll make the world right again.” He swung his hand around from behind him to hold your hand securely in his calloused one. 

The two of you laid back in comfortable silence, just enjoying each others’ presence. You didn’t have a worry in the world as you looked up into the sky and spotted the different shapes the clouds made, occasionally pointing them out to Eren.

You turned on your stomach to face Eren, bending your arms flat on his stomach so you didn’t dig into him with your chin.

“I love you. You know that?” Eren smiled, looking down at you.

“I love you too, even if you are a sentimental prick sometimes,” you returned his warm smile, sitting up to peck his lips with affection.

“No, I really do love you-- long term, too. I want to be here with you forever. I want to be able to wake up with you. Once we’re safe, we can move back here. Just you and me. Maybe have kids, too, in a while,” Eren’s face turned solemn, the reason why was unknown to you but you had just assumed he was just thinking about the future-- needing to beat the titans and all.

“Silly goose, we can still do that, I promise. We have time,” you assured Eren. 

That was the first lie you told him. 

You didn’t know it was a lie at the time, but it was one that Eren would remember. 

“Yeah,” Eren huffed, “time,” he spoke saltily, seeming angry at the notion of time. 

“Don’t be so negative,” you laughed, shifting your position. You sat up and immediately, the warm breezes wrapped around you like a soft blanket.

You turned around, reaching your hand out to Eren and urging him to come with you. He gave you a confused look, as scepticism was evidently laced into his expression, before ultimately taking your hand and pulling on you to stand up.

Following the breeze and the babbling sound of the old, nearby stream, you entered a small forest, past the meadow you had been laying in before. The warm sunlight peeked through the trees, casting a heavenly richness onto your surroundings. With each step diverging further into the wooded space, the grass crunched under your brown, leather sandals. 

It was abnormal, however, how no birds were chirping, no bees buzzing, and no other hums or croaks from various living beings in the forest-- just you, Eren, and the whistling of the wind. 

“It's so peaceful here,” you sighed, letting go of Eren’s hand to bend down between two of the sycamore trees and picked one of the willowherb flowers that had previously danced in the breeze.

He could only appreciate how serene you looked. The way the sun’s rays painted your skin alluded to a divine being descended to him just to grace him with their presence.

“[Y/N]...” A cryptic voice spoke, seemingly from every direction, sending shivers down your spine. Your attention snapped back from the flowers on the ground, as you stood abruptly.

“Eren, did you hear that?” You panicked, turning around in every direction, looking for someone that was calling out to you.

“Hear...what?” Eren questioned, mimicking your movements, looking in every direction to try and find what you were looking for.

“[Y/N] please,” the omnipresent voice begged.

“Please what?” You questioned back out to the voice. Maybe if you could hear them, they could hear you too. 

“[Y/N], I’ll be right back,” Eren spoke solemnly and almost with regret, “I just have to leave for... a little bit.” He snapped you back from your daze with the ominous voice calling for you.

“I’ll see you soon then,” you exclaimed back at him, before going back to picking some of the violet flowers around you, collecting up a bouquet. Little did you know, soon would not come soon enough.

\---

Back in reality, a hysteric Eren had just run into the cabin where your poor, unconscious body lay still on the wooden makeshift bed. You had asked for him before you passed into an unconscious state, but he was nowhere to be found. You had been cut deeply in battle and struggled to stay conscious, but you had to, for Eren. He was in a different group, on the other side of the plains. You needed to see him one last time, as cliche as it might’ve been.

Historia, bless her heart, had been nearby and watched you fall off of your horse, unconscious, during the ride back. Hurrying to find a place to collect yourselves, Historia had found a secluded small cabin outside of the forest, sending a flare to alert nearby cadets of your whereabouts.

The dreary, abandoned cabin was not the ideal host. The forest had cast a shadow over the building, so it was as dark as it was dull. The only light was illuminated from the candles Historia lit. The only furniture was a small table in the corner of the room, a couple of baskets where she found the candles and matches, and the makeshift bed that you were currently laying on.

You tossed and turned in your state, your forehead now drawing out beads of sweat. To outsiders, it could only be assumed that you were in discomfort, having a nightmare. Your winces and agonizing screams caused her to wince out of sympathy. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what you were going through right then and there.

Historia took it as her duty as your friend to try and help you. There was no doctor, no medicine, and no bandages. The titan fluid they had left was minuscule and even if they tried to use it on you-- which they did-- your body would reject it-- which it also did.

In short, there was no hope.

She rested her hand on your sweaty forehead, concentrating on her power and on the illusion she wanted you to see. It was all her-- the meadow, the picnic, the tranquillity, all of it. She was giving you peace as you lay there dying.

“What happened,” Eren blubbered. “No, how could this happen.” His words were almost incoherent as he began sobbing on the dark wood flooring.

“Eren--,” someone had started, but he ignored everyone, just to focus on what his eyes were trying to comprehend.

“[Y/N], come on,” he pleaded, collapsing on the floor beside your head. Your wounds had bloodied your clothes and the blood dripped down, seeping into the wood that you rested on. He took your other hand in his, trying to warm you up in your cold, unresponsive state. 

“She was...she was fine an hour ago,” he stuttered, still unable to fathom the scene before him. His face scrunched with every word he tried to speak. 

His cries were painful to all the ears in the tiny room. Historia, Jean, Mikasa, Levi. His friends (and captain), that he had grown close to in his months fighting alongside them. A lot of words could be used to describe Eren, but weak was not one of them. Was he finally reaching his breaking point?

“Talk to me, I’m here...I’m here now, please,” his voice cracked as he pleaded to get you to wake up like you were just stubbornly staying asleep right now. He couldn’t face the reality that you wouldn’t make it out of that room alive. He wouldn’t hear your voice again. He wouldn’t come back to HQ to see you curled up next to the fire reading in the mess hall. He wouldn’t get to hold you in his arms and talk under the starry night sky. 

“What was that story you love? The three brothers…and...and I remember there was a cloak! And a wand and a rock! You used to talk about it for hours, can you tell me about it now?” He cried into your shoulder, leaning his forehead against you. “Anything?” His voice broke as he begged for any sign of life from you.

\---

A cool breeze shook your spine. What was once warm and inviting was turning dreary and dark. The beaming blue sky was turning to a dull grey as the colours drained and clouds moved in. It felt like all the joy was being sucked out of the world-- like you’d never be happy again.

“[Y/N],” a cold voice spoke sharply. It was an eerie yet almost inviting sound, to which you snapped your neck around to find the voice, but were only met with a shadow on the ground.

“[Y/N], over here,” the voice repeated, sounding as if they were hovering behind you, whispering into your ear. You followed the shadow as it circled and flew up a tree.

Looking to find a person, you were met with the same dark shadow, cast upon a tree. It wasn’t exactly the shape of a person-- more like a thing or monster in a story that your mother used to read to you.

“Are you ready?” The shadow croaked out once more.

“For what? I’m supposed to be waiting for--,” you tried to use your voice to reason, but you couldn’t figure how to reason with someone or something that you couldn’t see.

“What a fickle thing! Time...” the shadow chuckled, while you waited, still standing and looking at the shadow against the tree Evident in your face, the shadow noticed your confusion. “You used to have so much, and now, just a few mere seconds.” 

For as many times as you had faced death during your time as a soldier, never did you once think you’d die like this-- seemingly alone. Eren was gone. Your friends-- your Survey Corps family-- weren’t there. It was just you standing in the face of death.

The shadow materialized into a tall, slender man wearing all black. Death. 

The man took a lowly bow, his slim hand outstretched to get your hand in his grasp.

He brought your hand up to his lips-- always a gentleman-- and placed a chaste kiss on the back.

Quick and painless.

The kiss of Death.

“Wait, please just wait!”

\---

Eren was still knelt beside you holding your cold hand in his warm ones. He had been the one to feel your pulse slow to a stop, though he didn’t believe it. He pleaded, trying to tell himself that it was slow enough that he couldn’t feel the beats because if it was just slow, then you still had a chance at life.

“You promised you’d never leave me. You promised you’d never hurt me,” the man repeated over and over again like a mantra. Your words played in his mind. The promises you made that seemed plausible before were now left unkept. No one could have foreseen the events, but now all that was left in your wake was a broken man.

“Please...please,” he cried. His hands frantically pulled at his sepia hair, trying to grasp ahold of the situation. You were gone.

“Tch, calm down,” a stoic voice, Levi, had said to Eren. He knew, more than anyone in that room, the feeling of losing someone close to you. Whether it was by death or time, he could understand the pain that Eren was feeling. Furthermore, he knew the void feeling that would follow. 

“I didn't want her to leave me,” Eren mumbled, turning around to face the wall opposite him, though his eyes darted around each person, “why did she leave me?” 

Mikasa walked outside of the cabin, crying silently with her head concealed in her elbow. It wasn’t that you and her were close, but it hurt her to see Eren hurting as he was. Though, Eren’s wails were still very much apparent from outside the cabin.

Eren’s cries echoed throughout the room and surrounding forest. Jean choked a quiet sob in the corner, you had been one of the only remaining cadets in his squad during the Training Corps days. Levi had been standing as stoic as ever but carried the weight of your loss on his shoulders. 

Historia sat at the foot of the bed, crying into her hands. She’d done what she could, but she wished there was more. She and you had been close ever since she had helped you get out of trouble with your squad leader a while back. She was going to be queen and felt the responsibility of your life on her own back, not only as your leader but as your closest friend. (Eventually, she turned your passing into her motivation to help the Scouts and her people, and to maintain their safety. Sometimes, on especially hard days when she missed you and Ymir, Historia would read Ymir’s letter, reminiscing on the moments they shared. Historia even kept a collection of the notes you’d leave her on napkins, recommending books to her if she was ever bored. She must’ve read those books ten times over to seek the comfort you’d given her when you were alive).

A wave of silence took over the cabin as Eren’s sobs quieted. He had fallen asleep, and truthfully, sleeping was the only thing that could help him now. Although he wasn’t conscious, everyone in the room could sense the turmoil inside his head. On the exterior, the skin around his eyes was red and puffy, no doubt his pupils were still bloodshot. The snot had crusted under his nose and the tears had finally stopped flowing, though the pools of where they had fallen and soaked the floor had not disappeared.

Everyone in the room knew how it was going to be from now on. Eren would put on a strong, brave front for everyone, but he’d be hurting inside. His actions would be influenced by his heart more than his head, as he’d try to avenge your death just like he’d tried to do for his mother. And so he did. He tried his best, but to him, his best wasn’t good enough. 

He didn’t want to disappoint you. He couldn’t disappoint you. 

But in doing so, he burnt himself out to a point where he was tired. Tired of having people depend on him. Tired of being expected to take the high route. Just tired of living, if he was honest to himself.

Watching him day in and day out, you just wanted to touch him, to hold him, to tell him that everything was going to be okay in the end. Eren felt isolated in Marley, but he had made a promise to you, himself, and countless others that he’d right the past wrongs and fix the world-- no matter the consequences or sacrifices.

The way he began acting was careless and too extreme to be reasonable. From your point of view, you couldn’t understand why. Eren still had his friends that had grown to be people that he could call his family. They were with him since that day and had been with him since the Training Corps days. While you could only watch from afar, Mikasa, Jean, and Armin could see the change in behaviour from Eren through his letters. The way he stopped seeing the positives, though in his defense they were extremely minimal. The way he was reluctant to be open-minded. The way his mind was set on only two things-- save humanity and return to you. 

There were times that Mikasa or Armin-- or even Levi and Jean-- took the pen to confront Eren about his plans, but the man couldn’t be reasoned with. He knew what his head wanted and he knew what his heart wanted. There was no way to try and change those facts. 

He was using the war as a distraction. He needed a distraction. A distraction from life. A distraction from death. A distraction from you. He had a plan. A dangerous plan, but it would get the job done. Surely-- Eren believed-- his old comrades had devised a plan in case he truly did attempt to begin the Rumbling. Maybe. His plan could work. 

Day to day, he trudged on and each day, another piece of his reason and morality chipped away. And you could only watch it. You could only see your lover slowly thin out compared to the full man he used to be. You could only see the fire in his eyes die down to a small flame and then burn out completely. 

Some nights, the especially somber ones, he’d lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking of you. 

The way a smile played on your lips whenever you blushed. 

The way you subtly bit your lip in concentration whenever you worked.

The way you’d be there when he’d seek you out in times of need.

Simply put, he missed you. He missed everything about you.

Even when you put some of your peas on his plate when you thought he wasn’t looking. Sometimes, now, he gave himself a little extra like you would’ve if you were there.

Even when you nagged at him for recklessness back then. “Oh if she could see me now,” he’d think. He didn’t want to be a disappointment to you, but the longer he felt alone in the world, the more he fell off the edge and the line between right and wrong blurred.

One night, after his supper where he may or may not have given himself extra peas, he walked outside of the infirmary to sit on the bench he had become accustomed to. Under the stars was where he felt most connected to you. He couldn’t explain it, but looking out into the great unknown space made him feel grounded. Feeling so insignificant in the grand scheme of things helped Eren ease his conscience for selfishly yearning for death.

So, as Eren looked up into the sky, staring at the heavenly lights, he thought about you. 

“You’re really giving me a hard time here,” he started, chuckling dryly and tilting his head back at an uncomfortable angle to look up. “I did it for you, you know? Everything. I just can’t stand it here anymore-- putting on an act, sitting on this bench every day waiting for someone who’s never gonna come. You really screwed me over.” 

Eren sat there for a while just ‘talking’ to you the only way he knew how. He had to tell someone how he was truly feeling. For months he was hiding behind a mask, lying to everyone around him. He saw firsthand the brainwashing that these people in Marley had done to the younger generations and it was truly sickening. But seeing these kids, he couldn’t help but think of the future you and him could’ve had together if fate hadn’t been a prick back then. “Don’t be so negative,” you used to tell him. How was he supposed to stay positive in the current state of the world? He couldn’t help but hate the cruelness of the world.

“I guess I can’t even be mad-- just jealous. I wish I could’ve come with you. I wish you didn’t have to leave so soon,” he lamented back up to the stars, “I’m sure it’s a lot nicer than this shit show.” 

“Mr. Kruger,” a voice yelled from the door of the infirmary, “you’re not supposed to be outside at this hour. You’re lucky it was me and not the Doctor.”

“So very ‘lucky’,” Eren mumbled-- the sarcasm was dripping from his lips-- under his breath, before attempting to stand up using his crutch. The nurse hurried over to him, trying to help him stand fully. 

“Honestly, I don’t understand why you insist on sneaking out by yourself like this. You could catch a cold,” the nurse insisted, though Eren ignored the woman.

“I did it for you,” he whispered as he walked back into confinement. It was almost as if he was trying to convince himself that his actions were selfless and not selfish. Maybe if he told himself enough lies, he’d start to believe they were true. Turning back around, his eyes darted to the brightest star in the sky, “it was all for you.”

Months after, Eren had found a safe place to stay underground with a couple of Jaegerists-- the only people who agreed with his actions.

Brainstorming, mapping, and planning, Eren was working harder than he had in four years to perfect the plan he had come up with. It was all coming together. 

Another lonely night and Eren found himself outside on a bench once again, though it wasn’t the same bench. The stars brought the solace he lacked for years. 

“Mom, [Y/N], I tried,” he cried in defense out to the stars. He pleaded for consolation, though he knew he wouldn’t get any.

“This is what needs to be done. For humanity. It has to be like this,” Eren repeated to himself like a mantra. ‘For humanity’ he always said, but it was his selfish agenda taking over. Tomorrow would be the day. The whole plan was based on the Scouts having a counterattack. Surely, with a genius like Armin, they would. 

“I’m sorry. I just wasn’t strong enough,” he confessed quietly as he pulled away from the window, laying down on the bed, and stared up at the ceiling for quite some time before closing his eyes and drifting to sleep. The days to come would be the most crucial of all.

The day had finally come.

The dreaded day of conflict. 

The welcomed day of peace. 

No matter which way it was looked at, each side had the same goal, whether they knew it or not.

Eren was lined up, the Jaegarists behind him, for support. They were at the bottom of a hill on an ironically bright day. The sun was shining down on the soldiers and civilians below. The birds were singing and there wasn’t a cloud in sight. The perfect day to die.

It was time for Eren to enact the plan that he had devised for months, if not years. Truly, it was the day he’d waited for in anticipation. 

“Eren!” And there it was-- the voice of reason. The voice of a man who hadn’t thought he’d ever be there in that position. The voice of a man who dreamed of seeing the world, who now had the best view at the worldly cost of death and destruction.

Eren smiled to himself knowingly, before meeting the commander on top of that same hill. Though, upon the sight of his friend-now-enemy, his face turned back to the same stoic expression he’d worn for the past four years.

“Eren! Think about this! You could help us! You could help everyone,” Armin cried out, trying to reason with Eren on the battlefield. “Isn’t that what you wanted? To help?”

Eren stayed quiet. 

“You saved me! Back when we were kids! You can save us all again, now,” Armin was yelling out to Eren through his salty tears that held no shame in falling down his cheeks and bloodied armour. “What would [Y/N] say?”

Eren looked up at Armin fully, taking in his appearance. The shifter marks on his face apparent, as well as his tear-stained cheeks. Armin never wanted this. Half the people fighting never wanted war because war brought death. Every day during the war more and more people died. “War sacrifice” people called them, but what good were sacrifices, if their side didn’t win? It was just an endless cycle of unfairness and excuses.

“What about Carla, Eren? You started all of this and you can end it. Right here. Please.”

Eren’s eyes met Armin’s and in the fleeting moment, seeing his childhood friend begging for him to stop-- to do the “right” thing-- Eren Jaeger almost felt bad. His moral compass was so distorted and he had fed himself lies for years that he thought he was doing the right thing.

And so, as the two enemies stood opposite each other, they both came to their own conclusions-- one harder than the other.

There was a small flash in Eren’s eyes-- he finally knew how he was going to die. He laughed in the face of fate, and not for its comedic values. 

As he brought up his hand to take a bite, Armin had leapt forward, plunging his sword straight into Eren’s neck. 

Armin’s hands weren’t shaking.

Eren’s smile had faded. 

The cruel fate of the world had pitted them against each other. It shouldn’t have ended like this, but at least, the world was on the path to right itself now. 

Armin had been dreading the inevitable, but, as fate had it written, it had to happen. He knew it was coming, only a fool would have disagreed. But, deep deep down, he wished it were different. He wished Carla hadn’t been in the house that day. Eren wouldn’t have carried that spite and self-loathing. He wished you hadn’t gone on that expedition. Everything would’ve been different. But she wasn’t there and neither were you. And that’s why Armin Arlert, the scared little boy that would’ve cried if his younger self knew he’d grow up to kill as many people as he had, was the one to kill Eren Jaeger. Fate truly was a bitch.

It’s commonly believed that you get a recap of your life right before you die, but Eren Jaeger only saw darkness. His light had left a long time ago. You had left a long time ago. He couldn’t blame you for leaving anymore. Truth be told, he never did blame you. He blamed death and he blamed himself. He cursed life and death for being so goddamn unfair. Eren believed he was a good person, fighting for humanity, so then why did it feel like everything good in his life was taken away? 

As he lay there, surrounded by rubble, destruction, and chaos, Eren’s brain only thought “finally”. Finally, he wouldn’t feel like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Finally, he could be with you again. He hoped that he would be able to feel you by his side, the feeling that he so longed for. 

You could only watch him from the other side. Feeling all his pain for the past year, you stayed by his side. Every good day, you’d be there to celebrate with him. Every bad day, you were there to uplift him, though he couldn’t see you. It hurt you to see him in such shape, but it hurt you, even more, to not be able to do anything about it. For once in your life, you wished you could be selfish. You wished you could just take Eren with you, but how awful would that be to take him from the living-- to take him from his friends-- the same friends that you once spent long nights sitting by the fire, laughing, and telling stories with. 

It was a selfish thing, to want Eren by your side again, but you couldn’t shake the thought. And there Eren was. Laying with his head raised tuft of dead grass, he struggled to draw in each breath. He wasn’t healing, and maybe, just maybe, he was sabotaging himself. Surely if he died from being stabbed, no one would think him a coward. It was the easier way out. It was the final battle, and he knew he could trust the Scouts with some version of his vision, so why wouldn’t he, too, be selfish in this moment? Some would’ve argued that he’d never get to see the true paradise that he dreamed about, but his true paradise was with you. 

Armin was bowed down on his knees a couple of feet away, crying into his hands. He had been the one to ultimately kill his best friend-- if it was not too selfish of Armin to call him that.  
.  
Mikasa had just run up from behind Armin and dropped to her knees silently before screaming out in pain. Armin had given her hope since the last time they saw Eren, but now the harsh reality was settling in. She tried crawling to Eren, but Armin pulled her wrist to stop her from continuing.

“Don’t,” he pleaded through choked sobs. “Don’t let him, now, be your last memory.”

Mikasa looked to Armin, but no words came out. Her hysterical crying left no room for her to speak and each of her breaths were shallow and quick. Her vacant eyes told Armin enough. Her world had ceased. The hope she once had for Eren had ceased. 

The yelling from around the three of them blurred together. Scouts were running up, but Armin and Mikasa only noticed the deafening beep echoing in their ears as the one person they had hoped to save, slowly faded into another war casualty.

Eren’s head fell back almost limp and his staggered breathing slowed to a point where if you weren’t next to him, you would’ve thought him to be dead. Your ethereal hand soothed over his wounds. Your cheeks were red and damp as salty tears escaped your eyes and fell onto Eren’s torso, though their physical form left no traces on his form. 

He, the beacon of lost hope for the new world, was dying. 

In his state, he couldn’t tell whether you were real or not. If he were to assume, you were now an angel, but in his eyes, you were always an angel. You were surrounded with a pure aura, and though he was dying, he could only feel a wave of relief consume him.

“You came back,” his jagged, low voice pushed out. His eyes locked with yours, with just a hint of a smile laced on his lips. 

“I never left,” you smiled, though your tears continued to fall down your cheeks. You took his hand in yours, delicately squeezing. And as Death had done to you, you did to Eren, pressing a kiss to his hand that you held.

For the last time, Eren Jaeger-- the man whose hope faded with each passing day, but tried remaining strong for others-- drew in his last breath and closed his eyes for the final time. He did not feel pain. He did not feel regret. Holding your hand, finally, he was at peace.

**Author's Note:**

> okok so this was a dream a had a while ago and i wrote it down to remember it then just developed it into a one shot,, ik that historia's power doesn't work like that and ik that i didn't really go into detail abt the r*mbling but its ok bc it made sense in my dream world :)))
> 
> thank you for reading and leaving kudos if you enjoyed!!


End file.
